Baby we are on fire". The lines are in my head. The haunting voice is singing from my little music box inside my head. And I am inside the swimming pool fully submerged. I am holding my breath and looking around. My limbs! My limbs feel so free and detached from me but still under my control. I wriggle my toes. The blueness enchants me and I experiment with the new found 3D effect that can be found in water or in space in the larger picture. I am no fish, I have lungs and I emerge my head out with a deep gasp.
"Do the butterfly stroke"
I don't want to. Today I want to be away. So I have come to the deeper side. And I look at the sky. The feeling is ethereal. I float. I am flying. The sky beacons at me. The cloudless formless, story less vast sky. It makes my eyes shut and I am drunk in its generosity. The buoyant force propels me skywards but gravity pulls me back. And I am tethering in between these forces very much enjoying their want for me. The forces rocks me up and down and sideways. And I let myself lose. If the forces want me, let them have me.
"You have to learn the butterfly stroke!" I scream out in my head.
I want to be away. I watch my friends and they are swimming. The curves are graceful and the strokes relentless. I want to be away from them too. Just right now I want to be with the forces. And muses.
Somebody comes to my side. And as soon as she makes it here, I dive in and swim away. To a place where no one is there. And again I submerge and watch the world. Silent and free. Happy.
The butterfly stroke can wait. The breast stroke can wait to be perfected.
To learn to play the grand piano can wait too. I smile. This bucket list of things I had planned to complete by twenty two has been fully upended and reviewed over. Except one thing that remains. To play the grand piano in style. So that I can sing a Lana Del Rey. I am doing the things I want and I will do it in style, with fervor and endurance. With a will to do and not by coercion. In style. In sexy style.
"Let's get out of this town,
Baby we are on fire.
Everybody here seems to be going down, down, down.
If you stick with me, I can take you higher and higher,
It feels like all of our friends are lost and nobody's found, found, found"
I get out of the pool before the time is up. Just so to be found, found, found.