This leap day...

I wish I had the guitar right now. My guitar (sorry mine and Annie's guitar) is neatly stacked in our room in Thimphu and right now it is evening so I am guessing mom and dad are strumming some retro Nepali tunes and reviving their 'jawani' days. I have realized that when you are sad you need to have the right song and sing along to it. But the good feeling is amplified when you have a musical instrument and you can play the song and just sing along.

I just want one right now because I am bored. I have been borrowing my friends' guitar all along.

This leap day I wish I had the guitar. I would be singing....ummm Over My head by The Fray.

Right now the breeze is so wonderful in BBSR. It is warm enough to shed those full sleeved shirts and wear a loose one and half pants and let those long tresses blow up in the wind so you feel like some movie actress in a windy scene.

Karte Blanche 2012.

Karte Blanche means a blank chart in god knows which language. In my college this two words refer to the annual fest that occurs on February. It was an upbeat week full of activities and yeah a lot of my sleep sacrifices and balancing to study and participate. I will admit I missed many a day of studying. I want to scream and then kick in the air. I have done all that.

But the fest was grand and I would upload a lot of photographs on FB and here had my laptop not been doused by water in an affectionate battling between me and 2 of my friends. And my laptop now refuses to switch on. It's like my laptop is pissed off with me. I have spilled Horlicks on it once and several drinks several times.

The movies we produced won 2nd and 3rd prices. Wonderful. I would upload it too had my laptop not shown such obstinacy to stay shut!

I must upload the photographs I have taken for I am a good if not excellent photographer.

Give Me a Break!

I want to stream down my activities and go back only to the ones that matter to me the most-at the moment! We will have the second professional exams on April, and all that I want to do is study. I had a plan. I will study 5 hours everyday or more. Five hours would be the minimum!

But how has it been in the last two weeks.

"Diksha you are in the batch team"- I am not a good sport woman honestly, but most of the people in my batch are the nerdy types, so I am the filler! SO I was in throw ball, dodge ball, tug of war, kho-kho (Indian game).  This year I didn't choose to enter in table tennis or badminton. These two games I play excellent, but all I wanted to do was read read read pathology and pharmacology.

I directed a movie. Hate to boast but it has turned up pretty well and I am so proud of it. It did take time. Writing the script, thinking of places, recruiting actors and taking multiple shots.

And the boyfriend who keeps going, "Be in this one with me." This ones include quizzes, treasure hunt, grafitti, paintings, tattoo design and almost everything. 

Give m a break.

I just want to study and play lawn tennis. Only those two for now. And I just want to study till my exams are over.

Also to add. I was playing guitar to myself late in the night when this girl comes up to me and asks me to perform in the rock band in the cultural program. I can play and sing Enchanted, so I am in for it. If the performance turns up good I might upload it on youtube. Haha.

Got to get ready now. After the grueling tennis session (where my coach said I should be going to Pune for All-India tennis match) I will now have to get ready for the Sports-Entertainment Quiz prelims and Treasure Hunt prelims-with my boyfriend of course!

Hate to boast but I have got selected for treasure hunt for the last 2 consecutive years where it requires extra IQ and that sixth sense. I hope I get selected this year too. (fingers crossed).

Hectic hectic.

My week started off hectic! Oh it was just yesterday. But now I know I can manage a cheerful disposition even with just 2 hours of sleep and I can stay awake for 19 hours at a stretch! WOW!

I want to study. I want quietness and no activities. But my friends dragged me to play the match on Sunday. And then a senior of mine comes up to me and tells me that we "guys are so fashionable and trendy" that she would love to have some contributions from me. And the worst part is the dead line. That is tonight! So I have been running around looking for anything trendy out here. But I wanted the pictures to be fascinating enough to look at! So I took up to shooting pictures of other people. Dressing them up and making them pose. I don't know how it turned out. And taking pictures of clips and shoes and bags and key chains! I am glad it will be over tonight.

I started shooting for the movie under Putamen Productions ( I am going to change the name). It is not an easy task. Yes, it definitely is fun. The laugh that comes is so very natural and very long lasting! And with just one camera we have to do a numerous shoots from various angles! And of course a lot of goofs and plenty of retakes! And it's been fun shouting "CUT"!

After a hectic day I am about to snooze when my classmates come in and ask me to play guitar for their song! Oh yeah I am the only girl who plays guitar. I get all excited when people ask me to play guitar when they sing, but the snitch this time was that their performance is tomorrow and it would take my sensai a day to decode all the guitar codes, and take me 2 days to pick it up and 2 more days to master it! But my classmates said that the song they chose had no karaokes available and the piano codes they got was cacophonous! And that I was their only last hope available. I told them (in a way that doctors deliver bad news to the relatives and says in a way as to not raise their hopes too much and not to crush their spirits so bad) that let them audition and of they get selected I would play in the final day, which is after a week or so.

A lot more. I better sleep now. 


I am just angry I missed Pathology practicals today. Angry at myself for mismanaged timing. I was glad I missed Forensic medicine, but Pathology practicals..   :'(

Sundays are for sleeping!

Now I have woken up feeling like I have had a bad hang over. I am an absolute teetotaler.I think a hang over feels like a dull head ache and heavy eyes and nauseating feeling. that's how I am feeling right now! This morning started with a game of kho-kho. An Indian game which is played because of the fact that anyone who can run an play good enough.

I had picnic with my Bhutanese friends today for the upcoming Bhutanese new year-the losar! And I completely missed it because by the time I came back from the match it was a bit too late to go and my muscles send out distressing signals telling me to stop torturing them. If you think being a medic and all so ambitious and enthusiastic is easy- and maintaining good health and good mind is as easy, and not to forget a cute boyfriend who demands a lot of your time, prepare yourself for a very tiring lifestyle.
Yesterday I experienced a bout of hypoglycaemic shock right after the game- that is when the glucose level in my body goes beyond the least amount and my body demands attention! Also I have been obeying my dear tennis coach sincerely too much. 10 rounds running means 10 rounds! I do that now that I realize that I must strengthen my stamina when I am scaling Mt. Everest! So much for trying to be excellent at everything.
I sleep at 4 and wake up at 6 AM. Oh don't be alarmed. Of course I am not a freak who can manage with 2-3 hours of sleep! I sleep at the day time because right now we don't have clinical duty to attend to since we have exams 2 months later and we are given extra time to memorize on that precious Robbins and Cotrans and all that autopsy shit!

And oh dear my need for looking great everyday, and a knack for updating with latest everything keeps me battling between sleeping and keeping awake all the time. 
I missed a fun day out and I don't know how I feel. I know it's not a pleasant feeling. And I so didn't appreciate the way the MBBS students viewed the nursing students as. I know they are from the lower income part of the society and haven't been rubbed off their edges for good manners and they comment foul about us- but why should we describe them as horrific barbaric wild lassies with a super strength and agility but tiny brains! So much for the feeling of solidarity among fellow nursing inmates. We would be working with them full on. So why disgrace them now just because they do so to us too.

And right now I see updates on Facebook from my Bhutanese friends on the picnic. Probably the best time they had. But it is a Sunday and I wanted to savour it as much as I could before I delve myself into another week full of activities. Well I am medical student. If I don't make sacrifices I am not not all worthy of being a medico!

Apology

It's 3 AM and I know I need to write down that very something which has had been haunting my head the last few days. 


Have you ever come across a realization? Because I not only have A realization, I often come up with multiple realizations and for a brief moment it feels like I have attained Nirvana, but the feeling is short lived. It dies as quickly as it came and the "realization" which I had realized confuses me. Am I insane? My very own thoughts do confuse me at times.


So a few days ago I tucked myself under my white dirty blanket and closed my eyes. I needed to get the sleep at the utmost for 3 hours later I would be out on the tennis court thrusting all my anger on that green king ball. 
But sleep it didn't come to me when I needed it the most and so my mind being so adventurous  explored the un-thought, un sorted parts of my brain. And so I realized something new.


Have I been delving myself so deep into my career that I have totally ignored my friends and lost touch with them? My friends, as in specifically my Bhutanese friends who study here. There are 29 of us here and every body of us are studying different courses.
But they have a jovial life style compared to mine. I am not complaining. My classes start at 8 AM sharp and end by 5 PM (not so sharp).  They get together as frequently as they can and by the time I am returning from my tedious boring classes I see them dressed up flamboyantly flaunting the cool "we are going to play basketball" walk with that orange basketball in hand, dribbling at certain places that gives the Oh-So-Cool impression. And all I am in is the non-fitting Indian attire with a lab coat and of course the grime and sweat ( and not to forget microbes)  of the whole day collected from the precious laboratories and the surgery ward. 


With a poker face on I go on as if it doesn't matter to me. Well that is what I used to do, until it really stopped mattering to me. 


Before when it had all mattered , I would come to my room as fast as I could. You could have compared my speed and efficiency to Flash of the Justice League. I would wash my dirty pimple laden face and apply god knows whatever facial cream I would get the fastest and dress up and run off to the basketball court. I will admit I am not a bad player, but I am not so excellent at it either. My Bhutanese friends are however amazing at the game. I would try to fit myself in in every possible way and return back to hostel as late as time could allow. I was alone and I needed people from my country to make me feel a better for I was not used to Indian faces and Indian friends (more on this later).
It was tiring and a demanding challenge. The kind of tiring which I didn't exactly like.The balance was tipping off and my medical career (my real career) was on the losing side.  And I lagged behind by few, and then a little bit more and a little bit and then a lot more chapters in Anatomy, Physiology and Bio-chemistry. 
I decided to cut it down. Personally I dislike basket ball. I would describe the game as a little bit too violent, but the cool type of. And the game lacks glamour. 
So I took up to not going there anymore. And gradually I lost track of everyone. Very gradually I lost every ones comfort and warmth. At first it was cool. Then my boyfriend came in my life and I spent more time with him going to the library together and getting to know each other.....
And that was the end of basket ball career for me. And soon enough I discovered our similar passion for lawn tennis and table tennis. And took up to early morning coaching sessions together. See we are so complementary to each other, it's cute and annoying at times.
And I delved myself deeper into my subject. More into my studies and more time for my classmates. There are no Indian no Bhutanese when it comes to being friends FOR ME. It doesn't matter whoever the person is. All I want is a friend.


But I am sorry my Bhutanese friends. I miss all of you at times. Now when we cross paths there is that diffident uncomfortable zone of 'You ditched us to be with your Indian boyfriend'  atmosphere. I want to explain it is not easy for me to be so jaunty and free. I am a focused person and I hate anyone who comes in between me and my dreams. They are of course not blocking my ambitious pathway, but it's just that uncomfortable aura that gets me to my heart....


And so I will say it today... I am sorry AG I am not with you when you need me the most. You see AG is an amazing person. Probably the best friend I have ever come across. He is usually confused and is a hopeless romantic and he needs me at times to hit him on the head to get him back to earth from his chivalrous fantasies. But I am not there for him because I am too busy being in class.
I am sorry SY and YS. You were the very first friends I had when I came here. I know I have a tough shell I can survive in places alone. But when you needed me I was too busy studying.
I am sorry my brother TJ sometimes you tended to care for me too much and now that you feel I don't need you anymore you have really become different. That is absolutely fine with me. But I am sorry I am too busy playing lawn tennis early in the morning than be playing basketball in the evenings.


And I guess I can't apologise to 28 other people now, can I?
It's not only about basketball. It regards to everything that we used to do together. Just that I am elsewhere and they are elsewhere and well I am who I am.


Now I am confused if I was ever wrong to have been apologizing!